Editor on the phone: My name’s Mr Clitoris.
Editor: With a story like that, it’s worth writing and just putting in a correction next week.
Reporter: I think [editor] is going to be the first person to have a breakdown while eating a clementine.
Editor: Isn’t a hedgehog technically a bird?
Editor: It’s going to be a 96, we’re going to get bummed again.
Reporter: Shall I bring the lube or is it your turn?
Editor 1 (singing): Do you think I’m sexy?
Editor 2: No. Next.
Editor *holding head in hands*: Right now we’re going to be worse than [the competition].
Editor: Some residents will have died by page 33.
Editor: Looks like we might have some space to fill, I better write some bollocks.
Editor: I once got beaten up in a pub for putting on Miley Cyrus.
Reporter 1: You can’t just have crisps for lunch.
Reporter 2: It’s alright I’ve got starburst as well… and I might buy a chocolate bar later.
Editor: I don’t need to pull anyone anymore so I can be as geeky as I like.