Editor: You’re looking more and more like a dishevelled Alzheimers patient every day.
Concerned-sounding editor to reporter moving a fan: Careful don’t injure yourself…you’ve got a couple of picture captions to write yet.
Editor1: Anyone want half a sausage roll?
Editor2: Why half?
Editor1: I only fancy one and a half sausage rolls but they were on offer so…
Editor: I just nearly sent [reporter] an e-mail saying ‘don’t worry, I’ve done the sexual assault’.
Editor: I love you doidge.
Reporter: I like you very much as a friend.
Editor: I’ve got a real urge to scratch my asshole.
Editor: I’ve got an irrational fear I’m going to run out of baking potatoes before Christmas Day.
Editor: You’re like a little cabbage aren’t you?
Reporter: I do love you deeply but you’re being a massive cock today.