Editor: I think the best thing about this paper is the fact that it’s so small I’ll be able to fit about three stories in the whole thing.
Editor: Can you imagine if Harriet was just driving a pedalo down the road and someone ploughed into her in an articulated…and then the company tried to claim the £500 excess.
Editor: He’s written ‘likewise’. What are you writing, Shakespeare?
Editor: I’m fond of you in the same way you’re fond of a lame dog you rescued from being run over.
Editor talking about Miley Cyrus: It’s all about the climb. And I’m watching her boobs bouncing up and down on the horse.
Editor: If you’re walking through an underpass at quarter to three in the morning, you’re going to get punched in the face. It’s a fact of life.
Editor putting down the phone: Aw that was nice, that was the toy poodle’s dad.
*Cue funny looks* I mean, not its dad obviously.
Angry editor: Why the hell are you sending me work related e-mails to my work e-mail address?
Editor: Can you imagine if I went and bought a massive sea bass from Sainsbury’s and was smashing you in the face with it while we…I mean that wouldn’t even be slightly fetishy, it would just be assault. They’re quite hefty you know.
Reporter talking about editing for the first time: Will you still be my friend if I do so badly that the company has to close?
Property exec: I might like you more.
Editor to reporting considering wearing a Latvian costume for a Eurovision night: Now don’t make it too tasselly, there’s a fire involved.
Editor to pregnant colleague about what she’d given up for Lent: Well you obviously gave up birth control.