Tag Archives: overheard in the newsroom; quotes; office life

Quotes 27.

Standard

Reporter to reporter 2 about to throw something at her: If you touch me I will cry rape.

Editor commenting on another editor’s baggy trousers: I could clothe a Ugandan village with all that extra material.

Editor: How can you be Italian, you don’t even eat pasta?

Editor talking to giggling reporters: It’s like it’s wet playtime at school and you’re trying to teach but everyone’s too excited because they’ve been inside all day.

Reporter: That’s cause you’re a spastic.
Editor: You can’t call them that anymore, you have to call them scopes.

Editor talking about the general strike: Can you imagine if we stroked?

Editor talking to other editor who asked him to repeat himself: Tune in or fuck off.

Editor: It’s like crack cocaine for fruit lovers, but a lot cheaper – 18 for a pound. Maybe that’s where the old NHS’s drug programme is going wrong, fucking get them off the drugs and on to satsumas.

Reporter: Has anyone ever been awarded a sainthood while they were alive?
Editor: Only that Canon dude, but he was dead.

Editor1: What the hell are you doing?
Editor2: I’m just sat here dressed as Santa, I don’t see any cause for alarm.

Editor1: I should have been a singer.
Editor2: Yeah you could have been in a new five-piece boyband called Twat.

Editor commenting on writing in a colleague’s birthday card: I had to write really big cause there’s no staff left.

Editor discussing the Christmas decorations: I think we’ve lost a few bits.
Reporter: Yeah, from your heads.

Editor: Aww don’t be nasty about little [colleague], I know he’s a moron but he’s our moron.

Editor looking through an agenda: Not this fucking meeting again. Making everything fucking count. Go fuck yourself.
Reporter to colleague: It’s alright, he’s going through a breakdown. I expect him to be shampooing dogs by the end of the day.

Reporter picking up editor’s gloves: I’m going to rub these against my genitals.

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Quotes 26.

Standard

Editor: You’re a lovely retard you are.

Photographer editing a picture: Right I’ll sharpen this but try not to sharpen her facial hair.

Photographer: Why are they called hookers?
Editor: Because they hook you in…with their fannies.

Editor: I’ll be honest, I’m not trained to deal with epileptic fits. I’d just kick them in the face and tell them to stop pissing about.

Editor: I broke a girl’s collar bone once.

Editor on the phone: Who is it? Age Concern? Oh god I’m not that old yet.

Editor in his 20s: Britney Spears is 30 and has two kids, it’s like life is giving me reminders I’m going to die any day now.

Editor: I’ve read in the Daily Mail having cake off a rapist is not good.

Editor on phone: Have you got any jpegs of the bear?

Editor: When’s National Curry week?
Reporter: When’s National Shut the Fuck up week?

Reporter: You can have a night out in Asda.

Editor: This bird’s beaten cancer. I’m pleased for you bab but you’re from Bromford.

Editor: I love the Black Country Museum, my favourite bit’s the chip shop.