Tag Archives: Quotes

Quotes 24.

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Editor looking at web stats: We’re peaking like a bastard.

Editor: All women talk about is colouring, washing machine technology ie I’ve pressed the wrong button and it didn’t come on and fashion.
Reporter: Is that it?
Editor: You can’t cram too much in there otherwise you forget how to colour in.

Editor: Does anyone want to play football with 2p pieces?

Editor: I would be rocking in my chair but they won’t buy me a chair that rocks cause it costs too much.

Property exec: The edges of this tray feel like they’re going to come away, but it’s lasted since the 1970s so it should be alright.

Editor: You’ve got to keep your thatch up to scratch.

Editor commenting on his monopoly over the quotes blog: Can someone pitch in with something funny from time to time? Fucking hell.

Editor shouting in the middle of an entirely unrelated conversation: What some bears go through is unbearable.

Editor talking to reporter: Can I be honest with you? You look like a man who 90 per cent of the time has no idea what he’s doing or why he’s here.

Editor: They told me my face would grow in to my teeth.
*after small rant* I’m not a rabbit, fucks sake.

Editor about colleague: He does look like Harry Potter…when he’s got older and given up.

Editor talking about a song: I wanna dance to this while drinking an alcopop with a straw. Yeah, I’m 14.

Quotes 23.

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Editor: I’ll be honest, this is the worst election coverage since the last time I did some election coverage.

Editor: Basically Harriet wants an owl in her nest.

Editor: I’m supposed to be deadlining but I’m actually googling the actress who used to play Claire Peacock to see what she’s doing now.
Reporter *looks at clock*: She’s probably in the shower.

Editor: Michael Jackson wasn’t gay, he was just a paedophile.

Editor being told he couldn’t change his quotes on the blog: Go fuck yourself, yeah you can quote that as well.

Reporter on a slow news day: Do you think Bin Laden ever came to Redditch or Bromsgrove?

Editor: Look at that big fat woman…oh she’s pregnant.

Editor: What’s the number for the police?
Reporter: 999.

Editor: To be honest, I see no problem in eating chavs because then at least they’ve contributed to society.

Editor: Pants or no pants, you’re no good to me.

Editor: When I build sandcastles, I lose myself for an hour or two.

Editor 1: What are you doing? What are you doing? If you put anything about badgers on my board you’re dead.
Editor 2: It’s about horses.
Editor 1: Ohhhh *puts head in hands*

Quotes 22.

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Photographer: Does anyone know where Worcester Hospital is?
Reporter: Worcester.

Editor: Walsall is the armpit of civilisation.

Editor on the phone: Yeah we have to do a head count each day to see whether anyone else’s been cut.

Property exec: I want to go outside and sit in the sun. I don’t think my computer would work any slower out there. Unplugged.

Editor: Sometimes your creativity is stiffled by your tight pants.

Editor: Unfortunately I’ve done something today you wouldn’t be proud of.
Photographer: Pooed yourself?

Editor: Is it beavers who use their arses to scent stuff or is it chipmunks?

Editor: I love ducks. I hate people who beat them up.
Photographer: They taste nice.

Editor: It’ll be funny if there’s a bus crash or something.

Reporter with a cold: Can someone shoot me? I think I might be lame.

Editor sings in the middle of silence: I’ve got a heavy horse.

Editor on the phone: I’ll give you my number *starts reading out number* oh no sorry, that’s your number.

Lovely 39.

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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
-St. Augustine

Quotes 21.

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Editor: I think the best thing about this paper is the fact that it’s so small I’ll be able to fit about three stories in the whole thing.

Editor: Can you imagine if Harriet was just driving a pedalo down the road and someone ploughed into her in an articulated…and then the company tried to claim the £500 excess.

Editor: He’s written ‘likewise’. What are you writing, Shakespeare?

Editor: I’m fond of you in the same way you’re fond of a lame dog you rescued from being run over.

Editor talking about Miley Cyrus: It’s all about the climb. And I’m watching her boobs bouncing up and down on the horse.

Editor: If you’re walking through an underpass at quarter to three in the morning, you’re going to get punched in the face. It’s a fact of life.

Editor putting down the phone: Aw that was nice, that was the toy poodle’s dad.
*Cue funny looks* I mean, not its dad obviously.

Angry editor: Why the hell are you sending me work related e-mails to my work e-mail address?

Editor: Can you imagine if I went and bought a massive sea bass from Sainsbury’s and was smashing you in the face with it while we…I mean that wouldn’t even be slightly fetishy, it would just be assault. They’re quite hefty you know.

Reporter talking about editing for the first time: Will you still be my friend if I do so badly that the company has to close?
Property exec: I might like you more.

Editor to reporting considering wearing a Latvian costume for a Eurovision night: Now don’t make it too tasselly, there’s a fire involved.

Editor to pregnant colleague about what she’d given up for Lent: Well you obviously gave up birth control.

Lovely 36.

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The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen.
– Elizabeth Kubler Ros.

(This was found here)

Quotes 20.

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Editor: Have I got AIDs? I hope not. I can’t rule it out though…everything else is going wrong so…

Editor: I don’t know if he was respectable. He was wearing glasses, he might be a paedophile.

Reporter: Chavvy’s all I have.

Reporter: I’m not stupid.
Editor: Woah woah woah, let’s not make claims we can’t back up.

Editor: I like taps, there’s something reassuring about them.

Editor talking about why pictures were going missing out of the library: Could it be that the county council are cutting all the libraries including our picture library?
Editor 2: You’re the kind of person who gets punched in the face.

Reporter: I was really excited about getting the census but then when I opened it I thought ‘this is shit’. I thought it was going to ask really personal questions like ‘what colour pants are you wearing?’

Editor on the phone to his young daughter: What you going to do today?
Editor 2 under his breath: I’m a child [editor], probably just play with my toys.

Male editor: I’m busy looking at my vajazzle.

Editor: To know there’s someone out there beating off over me would be pretty sweet.

Editor singing: What’s the difference between you and a bucket of sick? The bucket!